May29th,

2001

Those Dreams.

Career Goals:

Complete school

If not employed, putting more effort and thought into finding design projects that are interesting and challenging.

Learning more about the complicated world of print publishing, in the same manner that I've been learning about web publishing.

Reading more design publications.

The ultimate goal: Waking up every morning in a mountain town somewhere, laughing to myself as I walk passed a seldom used truck, and spending the next five minutes briskly riding the bicycle to work.

..and oh yes, ..it continues: I have a friendly chat with my boss about the weekend's activities, walk through a big comfortably-lighted room filled with couches, cool magazines, and phat workstations. I spend a couple more minutes joking around with the people I've grown to respect and trust, and we motivate each other for the project at hand as we normally do, without even consciously thinking about it. I turn around, and glance through the large window outside at the wind, that blows the smell of snow through the street. Four hours later somebody taps me on the shoulder and points to the clock. Whoa. It's lunchtime already? I slowly remove my headphones and take one last glance at the screen as I stand up, ..feeling a sense of accomplishment in the idea that this is a great piece of work that will bring benefit to everyone concerned. The restaurant down the street is half-full of tourists, and the rest are all familiar faces. These are the people who live and work here; where life has the possibility of being simpler, somehow richer, ..if you let it. It is at this precise moment in the dream where Drew is awoken by the harsh buzzing of a cheap 6-dollar alarm clock. He opens his red eyes and doesn't even have the mental willpower to get out of bed. He can't even remember the dream he just had about the cool job in the mountain town, for such thoughts are pushed back by the now-habitual urge for caffeine in the form of 4 cups of coffee. He'll need it. The loud smoggy commute demands it, and the mind numbing job he's going through all this trouble for will require even additional lukewarm cups of the dark brown artificial motivation. He enters the office building, walks through 26 rows of cubicles, and calmly sits at his desk. This day has begun, and it will end, with little or no intrinsic value.

I shall refuse to let this happen. For now, I am a janitor, with the hope of someday being paid to do what I love. I know, all things in life are not going to be sunny and bright, but there is the idea that some of them could be. These things really don't depend on location, job description, or paycheck, but they all share the common denominator of me somehow being involved in things that are cared about and valued. The really funny part about the whole deal though, is this:
Most things that I care about and value have tended to change form and evolve over the last five years. ..This could be a problem if such a trend were to continue. How can I make it all work out for the better? After all, the ultimate goal is for me to be completely relaxed, happy and comfortable. ..right? I'm such a moron. People's lives don't have to revolve around what they do for money or where they live. There are people digging ditches and separating chicken gizzards from chicken livers who feel accomplished about their days work. Most of these things mean absolutely nothing. I'm just reminded of them whenever I think about those big mountain job dreams.