I haven't picked up a camera in three weeks. The last time I took a picture, I was in a funeral home. A disposable fuji camera was pulled from a suitcoat pocket and I made a quick snapshot of the closed casket containing my little brother.

We got in the car and went home. Collin didn't come with us this time. He made his last ride in a car and they put him in the ground.

I gave the disposable camera to Lesley. I didn't know what I should do with it. I don't think she does either. I had the camera at the hospital, and was taking pictures of Collin in the ICU, pictures of our waiting room, pictures of us eating in the cafeteria, pictures of us lounging around worrying for two weeks. I thought Collin would get a kick out of seeing them, after he got better. But he didn't.

I found the camera under the passenger side seat of our car as we were driving to the funeral. There was only one exposure left. So I figured, Collin would get a kick out of seeing his own casket.

Those pictures might never get developed.
It is definately a weird spooky sad uneasy thing, to even consider.

Sometimes I think about going to get the camera and burning it. But I think the best thing to do is hang onto it for awhile, until I have clearer judgment.